When life throws you a curve ball, hit a homer

Oy, where to begin. I'll start with the first thought on my mind. I said goodbye to him this week. And not exactly in the way I expected to. I'm not going to bare every little detail of this story, for one because some things in a relationship are a private matter, and for two because I know how many people will read this, read it the wrong way, and spread rumors to everyone they know.

But I will be honest. Sometimes I feel like my life is one giant "here's an example of things going wrong". And that's ok, because those experiences shape me into who I am and later on down the road I realized it was for the best. But when I found this guy, I didn't want things to go wrong anymore. I've read so many stories of people finding the right person and everything after that just works out perfectly and life is happily ever after. Is it really that way? Or do people just never want to share the times when things sucked? Because let me tell you, I know some things are private, but people really shouldn't be afraid to let others know that in a relationship, it isn't always perfect. Even when you're with Mr. Right. Because when they don't, it makes the rest of us feel like something's wrong with us. It makes you doubt that what you have is real, or who you're with is the right one, because you think things should never go wrong if that's the case. And it's a fine line...how do you know if you should be fighting to overcome it or looking for someone else?

I realize Just Married is a funny, but not that fabulous romcom and you wouldn't expect any worthwhile advice to be found in it, but there's this one scene near the end that I love. The father of Ashton Kutcher's character tells him that one low point in a relationship doesn't mean you should give up and say its over, and he pulls out a photo album and explains that it only shows the happy moments, but the bad, difficult moments in the relationship are what get you from picture to picture, and happy moment to happy moment.

The past 3 or so weeks kind of sucked. And it couldn't have happened at a more inopportune moment. The stress of him leaving for 2 years just made it worse. And it gave us no time to figure out, umm let's see, ANYTHING about what we should do and what was right and just left us very, very confused. And though the last time we saw each other and said our goodbyes was on a higher note, I still can't help but feel really disappointed, because that's not the way I wanted this to go. And really scared, because I don't know what the future holds now when I used to be so sure a couple months ago. And really angry, because I screwed this up, and he screwed this up, and we as one thing screwed this up.

That being said, when it started to go down hill I did a lot of praying and fasting and thinking about it, and felt totally at peace with the situation. I haven't been upset or angry or scared since. I just know it'll be ok, I can't really explain it any more than that. And so I've decided to write him because he's still my friend. Our relationship will continue to grow. But anything else, any future, any romantic feelings coming back, any commitment, how he feels or will feel about it...that's a big question mark. And that's ok.

I've grown. My world's not shattered, at all. In fact I don't think I've ever felt more ok with a break up. I know and trust that whatever happens, is for the best. And so even if it hurts a little and seems like it was just a no good terrible situation that happened at the wrong time, I know that whoever I end up with, him or someone else, whatever the future looks like, it will be better because of this experience. I know he is in the best place he possibly could be, learning and growing and maturing in all the ways he needs to be, and that gives me great comfort. And I know that I have nothing but amazing memories and love for him. Two years is a long time, yes. There will be other guys in my life, yes. People change a lot, yes. Things will most definitely not happen the way I expect, oh yes.

But no matter what it will be freaking awesome, because it's my life.



Feel free to share stories if you got 'em. =)

At McDonald's...

So, I'm on day 3 of no internet or cable because of the flood waters. I've been driving to random McDonald's and Panera's when it drives me crazy enough. However, considering everyone else had 3 feet of water in their basements, lost valuables, had to evacuate, had their water supply shut off and/or did not have power or still don't, I really REALLY should not complain.

I will not complain that I don't have the internet when other people are much worse off than me. I will not complain that I don't have the internet when other people are much worse off than me. I will not complain that I don't have the internet when other people are much worse off than me. I will not compl....

I took some pretty crap-tastic pictures on my phone of the Swatara creek/river located right by my house. Mom and I walked as close as we could get to it...it was undescribable. It had flooded a good half mile wider than normal and was rushing like rapids. And it ended up destroying the bridge along that road (72) and rumor has it that road will now be closed until next May. Fabulous.

Anywho, can't put the pictures up right now because I forgot the cord to connect my phone, so I'll add them here as soon as I can.

EDIT: The craptastic photos have arrived.

72 behind my house by that Honda/Suzuki motorcycle place.

The creek normally runs through those trees at the background of this picture.

It flowed at least 2 feet deep up the street past said motorcycle store, it was unbelievable.

The bridge in Jonestown was completely covered too.

The rains came down and the floods came up

Cliche title, I know.

Ok, my blog break is over, because OH MY HECK is it flooding here. Central PA hasn't seen flooding this bad since Agnes in '72, and we're supposed to get more heavy rain tonite into tomorrow, so it will probably exceed records. Here are some pictures that people have put up on the local news facebook page:

This is taken from the Applebees/Panera area of Hershey/Hummelstown, looking out over what is usually a busy highway now completely submerged.

This is on 422 between Annville and Palmyra.

Ok, so the first picure I showed. This is on the opposite side of that highway-turned-river. This is from the view of Sheetz in Hummelstown, looking out over Pizza Hut that became totally submerged and has collapsed since.

Oh hey underwater police car in Derry Township.

Some dude canoing down the middle of a street.

Here's another view like the first picture. People who know Hummelstown and Hersheypark Drive can understand how crazy this is. The Mcdonald's, Wendy's, and Pizza Hut are all under water.

And oh, what do you know? It just started pouring here again, here comes 3 more inches of rain. I live on a hill and don't have a basement so we should be safe, but say a prayer for the people of Central PA. The rain isn't letting up til tomorrow, and rivers are only expected to crest (major flood levels) in a few days. People have several feet of water in their basements already. It's a pretty serious deal.

P.S. Thanks for the happy thoughts from the last post. I'm feeling much better and you guys are the best, I appreciate it. =)

Today I'll be happier than a bird with a french fry...or maybe tomorrow

This is a short post to say that yes, I'm still alive.

Life has gotten a little hairy/rocky/weird/difficult/ouchy, and rather than the usual wanting to publicly discuss this, I'm on a blog break.

I hope to be back soon, but for now I'm just not in the mood.

In the mean time, feel free to send some happy thoughts/good vibes/prayers my way, and know that I'm ok, simply because, I know I will be.

"For there is nothing lost that may be found, if sought."

The one where I reminisce

I actually began this post over a year ago and wrote #1 then, but then left it be. So I'm picking up where I left off.

I've decided to make a list of some of the best/most unforgettable moments of my life. In chronological order.

1.) A boy named Andrew and a crazy old woman named Hattie

Fall senior year of high school, on the band bus driving to a cavalcade, my friend Andrew was playing with this $.88 ken doll. (A bunch of us would go buy random things at Redners before we left for a trip...not sure why, but it makes me laugh.) The doll was naked and we decided to add some anatomy using one of those thin balloon-animal balloons, not blown up...we attached it to the doll's hip area haha. As a side note, Northern Lebanon had hired this crazy little old lady to be a bus driver...she drove up on sidewalks, ran over trash cans, the works. She was on our bus that evening "training" the woman driving. Oh, and her name was Hattie...I have no idea how you spell that. We loved her, because she was crazy and we could tell stories about her, but she kind of scared the crap out of us too. So anywho, we always sat at the very back of the bus, and we're back there laughing cuz Andrew's playing with this naked doll, waving him around and making it walk around on the seat, and Hattie spotted us and yelled at him to get up there to the front of the bus and give her the doll. He stands up in the aisle and starts dancing around like an idiot and yells "make me!!". So Hattie nods and with that crazy look in her eye says "ok, I will!!" and starts charging down the aisle, which makes Andrew start screaming and shouting like she's gonna murder him and in an attempt to take cover he dives back into his seat over and on top of Josh, cowering in the fetal position. He somehow managed to get the balloon off the doll by the time Hattie came back, and when she gets to his seat, she grabs the doll from him, and starts beating him with it and saying "where'd ya put the peter you had on it?!??"

I was sitting right next to this scene, curled up in a ball leaning on Steph laughing so hard I couldn't breathe and tears were pouring down my face. I have so many good memories with that group of people, but of all of them, that one's defnitely the best.

Can't believe I found a picture to go with this story, I had to dig to find it...not sure who took it.

2.) A weekend with David A. Bednar

Fall of 2007, Elder Bednar was our visiting general authority for stake conference. For those readers not of my faith, this is a HUGE deal. He is one of the 12 apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It's like being Catholic and having the pope come visit.

2007 was a really rough year. Things often seemed really gloomy and dark. That weekend spent in the presence of an apostle, listening to his words of encouragement and getting taught by him, was incredible. It was like a clear sunny day after months of dreary rain. I will never forget sitting in the 3rd row, the pulpit directly in front of me on the Saturday nite session, and him telling everyone how much he wished he could go to each of us individually, take us by the shoulders, look in our eyes, and tell us "you can do this", and how he looked me right in the eyes when he said those words. And I knew I could after that.

After that weekend, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel that wasn't there before. I wasn't just going through the motions, but moving toward something. And even though it took another year until I reached that light, it grew ever brighter and bigger from that moment on.

3.) Singing the National Anthem at the Phillies game in April of 2008 when they were presented with their World Series Rings

I used to hate baseball...hard to believe, right? I wasn't even that into it when the Phillies actually won the World Series the fall before this event took place. I remember sitting in our suite with my roomies watching it, and hearing our apartment building explode with shouts and cheers when they won, and hearing stories about how the apartment complex right next to us had set a couch on fire in the middle of the street in celebration.

In choir the following semester, our student leaders decided we should send in an audition cd to sing the national anthem at a game. Our director was cool with it, so we did. And somehow, we got chosen for the most important, landmark game in Philly history (aside from the World Series itself of course). A sold out crowd of almost 50,000 people, standing mere feet away from all the Phillies, and they even shot off fireworks when we got to "o'er the land of the free". I honestly can't describe how awesome it felt.

Afterward, we watched the game, and that was the moment I fell in love with baseball. Because that was the first time I watched it live, and there's nothing quite like it.

Me singing on the big screen.

I know several members of the choir had videos of us singing, but I've searched and searched for it and can't find one. Sad.

4.) Volunteering at Kanab

A couple weeks after the spring semester was over in 2009, a group of us from our club Helping Paws flew out to Las Vegas, and drove to southern Utah to volunteer for a few days at Best Friends Animal Sanctuary. This is the largest animal sanctuary in the country, possibly the world, with 33,000 acres of owned land, home to all kinds of animals. Best Friends is known for going to scenes of disaster and/or animal abuse, rescuing animals, and rehabilitating them at the sanctuary. Best Friends became a little more known after the Michael Vick dog fighting incident, because they took these dogs and have been working with them ever since to rehabilitate them into safe, people-friendly animals again. There was a show on Animal Planet about it. Anywho, it was like the best week of my life. I love animals and getting to spend all day with them and helping them was so much fun. The scenery was gorgeous, it was in the middle of nowhere (and I MEAN the middle of nowhere...you wanna take a trip to Target, the closest one is 2 hours of no red-light, no nothing, open highway driving), no cell phone service, just a cute little town. I adored it. I can't wait to go back there one day.

We also spent 2 days in Vegas before flying back home, which was pretty fantastic. My favorite parts were eating at the Stratosphere, wandering around all the popular casinos, driving down the strip with my roomies, windows down blasting Poker Face, which was insanely popular at the time, and watching the Bellagio water show standing right where they did in Ocean's 11 after they steal all the money. Magical.



5.) Graduation and a break-up

I know what you're thinking...a break-up? You're kidding, right? Let me explain. For the record, I think all of us agree that break-ups suck. As did this one. So no, the actual break-up wasn't one of the best parts of my life. It was in fact, a crappy awful experience. But an experience nonetheless. I graduated from Millersville a few days before Christmas in 2009, and about a month before had gone through the previously stated "experience". Things sucked. That's why this blog started, actually. But rather than get depressed, I used my support system and reached out to build a bigger support system to get myself back on my feet. And out of that one horrible situation/experience, came 9284726261 blessings and happy good wonderful things and an amazing 2010 and indeed 2011 (so far). Things dramatically turned around for me and got better than I ever even knew it could, and I owe it all to getting dumped by a guy. Why do bad things happen to good people my friends? So we can learn, grow, gain experience, and best of all, have even better things happen to us. And as for graduation, even though it took 3 months, my degree got me my job. 'Nough said. Thus, I put graduation and a break-up on this list, because it was the turning point for great things, and the reason why the past 2 years have been simply incredible.

6.) "The last summer"

Summer of 2010 Sydney was living with her mom and we got to spend so much quality time together. It renewed and strengthened our friendship. Right off the bat at the beginning of that summer, Haley, one of our best friends from high school, lost her dad in a car accident. I remember how we cried together and were so scared to go talk to her, because things had gotten kind of rocky and we didn't think she would want to see or hear from us. We went anyway. Friendships were mended. It was kind of amazing. Something you don't realize the significance of until you really stop and think about it. The 3 of us had some good times together after that. Me and Syd always referred to it as the last summer because her boyfriend (now husband) Steve was deployed to Iraq until the end of August, and it was our last summer to be just the 2 of us, no men, no full-time jobs, before going on to do big-girl grown-up things. I think if that summer had gone any differently, we wouldn't be as close as we are now and probably would have very easily grown apart.

7.) A visit from Missy, Shawn, and Ethen

My sister Missy lives in Arizona and I basically never get to see her. Shawn and Ethen are her sons. I hadn't seen Shawn since he was a year old (2 months shy of 4 at the time), and I had never met Ethen (age one at time). They came to visit for a week last October, and I enjoyed every minute of it. I love them a lot and I wish they lived here so I could see them all the time. I'm secretly hoping and praying they move back east sometime soon...shh, don't tell.

8.) A black lab named Scarlet and how she changed my life

This is a cute story. As many of you know, almost a year ago now (WOW time flies) I got asked to be the leader over the young single adults of my church, and as a part of that, activities creator/planner/overseer. March 12th of this year was a big all-day conference, where people from a large chunk of PA were going to be coming to. It was the most stressful activity I've ever planned to date. Leading up to it was terrible. Anyway, I distinctly remember sitting in the foyer of the church that morning with my planner-partner (a guy I previously dated, funny enough), before everyone else showed up, discussing how Josh liked me and it was awkward cuz I didn't like him and I didn't know what to do about it. I was telling him how I freaked out at first, "wahhh, I just wanna be friends!" and then said "but I've talked about it with him since, I told him that and we're ok now, I set him straight". HA. I readily admit that I am, indeed, an idiot.

So then people start showing up, and everyone has their own people to hang out with and I was sort of flitting around trying to organize the chaos. Josh gets there, and without even thinking or me realizing it, we stuck together. The first part of the activity was service projects, and I was in charge of getting a crew of people to the Farm Show complex to volunteer at Pawsabilities. I was stressing out a tad cuz we were late, and Josh went with me in my car and calmed me down. We parked at HACC and walked over, the 2 of us happily chatting away. When we got to Pawsabilities, we found the woman in charge who split us into groups and walked each group to where they would be volunteering. Pretty soon Josh and I were left alone at the volunteer table, unsure what to do, when I hear it. The saddest little whining dog noise I've ever heard. I turn around to see a bunch of empty cages right behind us, and turn back around thinking I'm hearing things. Then I hear it again. This time when I turned around, I looked down and spotted Scarlet, all alone in the corner in a covered-up cage, one little eyeball peaking out at me. I felt so bad. So when the lady came back, I decided to ask her if Josh and I could let the dog out and walk her, expecting her to laugh it off and give us a real job. Surprisingly, she said sure. So that's what we did for our 2-hour project...walked a dog and fed her treats and flirted. Josh was adorable with that dog too, a complete natural, which of course won him a lot of points in my book, and melted some of the I-don't-like-you ice away from my heart haha.

To make a long story shorter, we ended up spending basically the entire rest of the day together, especially during the dance, which I appreciated because I sort of felt like I was the only person without a clique.

After everyone left, and we cleaned up and I was heading out to my car, I looked at my phone and saw he had sent me a text saying how much fun he had with me that day. I smiled to myself and this is exactly what went through my head: "I had a really great time too. WHOA, WAIT. WHAT? I had a great time too. Did I just? I just spent the entire day with Josh....and had an amazing time. (Wide-eyed open-mouthed look replaces smile) OHH NOOOO"

And that friends, is the story of how, despite all my protests and fighting to prevent it, Josh and I ended up together. We've discussed this and Josh was the one that said "it was the dog". And he's so right.

Hope you enjoyed reading these as much as I enjoyed reminiscing.

The one with flashbacks and some nasty sancocho

First order of business: Yesterday I noticed I'm coming up on my 100th post, and I got all excited, until I realized that over 30% of said posts were still in draft form. So I went through them. I deleted a couple, but I did find a handful of gems. I don't know why I didn't post them...some of them have anger/emotion in them that maybe I didn't think should be shared. Others I just never got around to brushing them up. And even more others I read and thought to myself "this is hilarious why the heck didn't I share this?" So you guessed it, I decided to post them.

Forgive some of them for still being in somewhat of a rough draft form, I wanted to leave them be as best I could.

From most recent to oldest:

Being a kid at heart

The one where I slept through a tornado

the irony of life

Can I just have a thank you, please?

I'm a survivor

One weird and unexpected reason why I wanna get married

A dream is a wish your heart makes...or not



I think my personal favorites are a dream is a wish your heart makes...or not, and the irony of life. Irony is funny to look back on because it reminds me of how ridiculous I behaved when Josh and I first started dating, and how embarrassed I was at the thought of dating someone younger than me. I remember apologizing to him for being so weird and giving him mixed signals, and he responded (via text) "that's ok. I think it's just hard for you to admit that you like me a whole bunch" haha. He had me figured out better than I did.



Second order of business: Sancocho (aka latin american soup/stew). Yesterday I tried a puerto rican version of Sancocho for the first time. It was a terrifying experience. I was told it had potatoes and squash in it. I took a bite of just the broth, and it tasted horribly of fish. Now, a little side note. To me, seafood is not a real word. Because anything that comes from the sea, is clearly NOT food. How could something that looks, tastes, feels, and especially smells, SO GROSS be meant to eat? It's got 4 out of the 5 senses stacked up against it. I will never understand how or why people consume sea creatures. Especially the slimy rubbery pungent ones.

So I tasted fishyness in the broth. I was a guest in someone's house and they had offered it to me so I didn't want to offend them. I continued eating. I ate around what I was pretty sure was the culprit of the awful taste...grayish bite-sized pieces of blech, with a really unappetizing hairy/bumpy quality to them. It looked like it had feelers. I ate the potatoes, the squash. Then all I had left was the pieces of blech, and I'm not sure why, but I decided to cut a tiny nibble and eat it. It was like I put death in my mouth. I swallowed that thing whole (which was pretty easy given the texture) in under a second from the time I put that spoon to my lips. And I refused to eat any more of it.

Here's the good news: the maker of the sancocho expected me not to like it and wasn't offended. I researched sancocho online once I got home only to find that unless you're from Colombia, there shouldn't be fish in it, but yummy ingredients like chicken or beef. (That discovery wasn't good news, I was kind of pissed..."why the heck did they put squid/fish/I don't even know what the poo that was in there??") But because I like to have cooking adventures, I've decided that my next one will be to make my own sancocho, and you can bet your bottom dollar it will not have anything rubbery, smelly, or barf-worthy in it. I will blog of this adventure whenever it happens.

*snip**snip**snip*

Yeepppp, after not getting a 'real' haircut for more years than I care to say, yesterday, it happened. And...

I AM BEYOND PUMPED ABOUT IT MY HAIR LOOKS A-MAY-ZING!

I was pretty much scared poopless about it before I got it cut. (Which reminds me, that phrase doesn't make sense to me...isn't it usually the other way around for most people? TMI! haha. EDIT: Nevermind, I googled it, and am now thoroughly educated on the subject. Sooo...) I have major trust issues with people and my hair. But once I got there and talked to my stylist, that all went away. He was fantastic. Anywho, very very very pleased with it. So I took 10,000 pictures of course. I will show you about 100 of them.

The icky before:

And the glorious after...

I really really love it. It makes me wonder why I didn't do it sooner. And it cost a pretty penny, but I would've been willing to pay 2 pretty pennies for how good it turned out. Totally worth it. Thank you Tim, you are great with curly hair, and I think you're my new best friend.