Ugh. Sometimes a situation is so messy and awful, and decisions are so difficult, I wish I could just flash forward a little into the future to know what I'm supposed to do, or just to know that everything will work out and be ok. Story of my life. Story of everyone's life I guess. Decisions hurt.
I'm so tired of people making me feel guilty for things that I don't deserve to feel bad about. Or that are beyond my control. I just want everyone to be happy and not be hurting. I want my friend back. To normal. I'm tired of getting on facebook and seeing posts of lyrics and videos about awful heartbreaking girls and wondering if it's directed towards me. Because seeing that is like a knife to my heart also. I never meant to hurt anyone. What did I do that even brought all of this on? I don't understand.
Can I let you all in on a little secret? I cannot wait to be married. And it's not for any normal reason. Here's why, and it's going to make me sound really lame and self-centered: I just wanna worry about one guy. Cuz when you're single, and there's all these guys that either think they have a piece of you or want a piece of you, you have to worry about hurt feelings and closure or lack there of, and drama and awkward situations and ruining friendships, etc etc etc. And it is THE WORST THING EVERRRRR. I wanna pick one, and make it official, get that decision out of the way so that I can just move forward and not look back. And so everyone knows that no, they do not have a piece of me, because that guy has all of me.
I def agree and I find no part of that weird. I want to be with someone already. I'm so ready for this kid games and everything that life throws at you. I just wamt to throw it back and scream give me my man!
ReplyDeleteI need someone that its just me and him and him and me. Nothing else.