Alright guys, I need to blog something that's been on my mind since...Saturday, I think, before I explode. My little proclamation to the people in my life.
I will need to choose my words carefully, so as not to offend any of my friends who I know mean well, and so as to not reveal private information. And also just because I've learned in life that the phrase "some things are better left unsaid" applies to 98% of what you say when your emotions are high.
And mine are high. I'm feeling really frazzled and annoyed and confused.
The proclamation is three-fold:
1. Do not, I repeat do NOT give me boy advice. Unless I come to you about it.
I don't want it, I don't need it. I DO need someone to talk to who won't judge me or try to convince me that how they feel about the situation is the right way to go. And who will keep things confidential. Good gravy I just described a therapist.
2. Stop trying to hook me up with every guy in the history of the world.
What the heck? I'm only 20 freakin 3, and I don't need to become some project. I could get anyone if I wanted to, settle for someone and be married in a few months, but this is the most important decision in my life and I'm gonna be real careful about who I pick. I know what I'm doing, I don't need your help...I have more offers and options than I care to think about, and I love someone currently and seriously dating someone else would not be fair for either the new guy or me at this point. SO GET OFF MY BACK.
3. On the matter of opinions:
A. Do not pity me because I love someone who doesn't love me back on the same level, or because you and your missionary are so barfy-in love and planning your wedding already and I'm not.
I recognize it and it doesn't bother me. That's no reason to just drop someone and stop loving them. Stop thinking you know better than me. This is MY LIFE. Ugh I feel like such a teenager saying that. Love is patient, love is not easily angered, love envieth not, love believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love gives with no thought of getting anything back, and isn't discouraged when all it gets is negative feedback. I recognize the age gap is big and the maturity gap even bigger. I'm not afraid. I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket or worrying about it. I'm not being naive or stupid. I'm not irrationally expecting him to be as perfect as Jesus when he gets home in 2 years. I'm trying to love one of my best friends with a real, true, charity-like love. And I refuse to treat the relationship like it means nothing and it's not important and disrespect him in such a way. I realize some of you have known him all your lives, but I know him too. I know how he really feels, I know how he is, I know. And I love him, so deal.
B. Do not gossip or judge me and call me any of the following: slut/skank/whore/etc because I'm "waiting for a missionary" and I'm dating other guys. Do NOT ever let the gossipy stinging words come out of your mouth that I must not really love or care about him.
My missionary is my best friend right now, and that's it. And since neither of us are positive of our future, what do you think I'm gonna do? Sit and pine and be miserable? Of course not. I need to go figure out if other guys are or aren't right, so eventually I can know for sure if he is or isn't. You have no idea how much I love him. Enough to recognize and know what he needs, where he is and the potential he has. Enough to support him and pray for him and want whats best for him, even though he may not appreciate me at all or write me very often. Enough to realize that a fickle young heart might never love me back like I want him to or treat me like I deserve, and I love anyway.
C. When I've made a decision, don't discourage me, support me.
For the past 2 months, all I've gotten from practically everyone but my mom and my young women's leader from back in the day is doubt, discouragement, hopelessness, and confusion. Those aren't fruits of the spirit guys, I'm just sayin'. He hasn't even been gone quite 2 months yet and the toll this has taken on me emotionally is almost too hard to bear.
Support me for goodness sake...you're my loved ones.
I know this song is more about separation from death, but something about it mends a part of my heart right now.
You go girl! Hey I don't know what will happen when he gets back. But I think that it is smart to date other people because you never know. It's nice to know that you do love him so much! :) I am partial to him as well. ;) lol. Love you and don't worry about other STUPID people!
ReplyDeleteAmen, sister! Tell people how it is. Who cares about what other people think about you and your missionary! That is your business and no one else's, no matter who has known him longer or what not. You are seriously my hero, right now, for this blog post, just so ya know. ;)
ReplyDeletewhat i got from this whole post is that you need me in your life. the end. ;)
ReplyDeleteOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, you have no idea how much I can relate to you.
ReplyDeleteJust wait until you are 20 freakin 7:)
=) I love it. Good on ya, woman.
ReplyDelete