I believe in miracles

MY GRAD APPS ARE ALL DONE! MY GRAD APPS ARE ALL DONE! WOOOOHOO.

What a week. Holy goodness.

It all began about a week and a half ago actually when I decided I was finally ready to take the GRE, expecting that I could just sign up for the next day or so and there would still be space. Well, there wasn't space...for anywhere within a 150 mile radius, until December or January. Minor freaking out ensued. I needed to take the thing asap. However, I happened to be online at the right time to notice that a space became available for Saturday the 19th at 8AM at a testing center near Philly, and despite the distance and how early that meant getting up, I took it. Really didn't have any other choice. Plus I decided I would be making a definite stop at King of Prussia on my way home for a celebratory massive slice of cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory.

So then over the next few days I started realizing how much I still had to do to get this applying out of the way, starting with recommendation letters. Here's how clueless I am about the whole thing: I honestly had to google "how to request a recommendation letter" to learn the proper requesting etiquette. Found a good answer, and spent an entire evening crafting emails to several professors and a supervisor requesting letters. Next step, waiting to see if they agree to do it.

The first response came the next morning. Right after I woke up, I check my email, only to discover a nasty turn down from a professor who had been my advisor, known me better than most, and I once respected (until that morning, pretty much) who in her wonderfully passive-aggressive way decided to not just decline, but take a few stabs at me personally. How kind. I read it and this is what happened next... *sniff**sniff* that was so *sniffle* MEAN. *tears start welling up* Pull yourself together, it'll be ok. *wipes under my eyes* It'll be ok. I asked other professors, I'll be fine. But WOW she didn't have to be so awful. *long drawn out sniffle-sob* I never knew she had a problem with me, I always thought we got along. *hiccup** a few tears spill over* OMG ALL MY PROFESSORS HATED ME I'M NEVER GETTING INTO GRAD SCHOOL EVERRRRRR.

Dramatic, I know. But it was a harsh start. (Don't worry, I've forgiven her. Not everyone will like you in life.) Response #2 came about 20 minutes later from another professor, and he was so sweet and kind, complimenting me on what a great student I had been and how willing he was to write for me. And this is what happened next... *FULL BLOWN CRYING HYSTERICALLY* Awww he's so nice, thank you Dr. ______, THANK YOU. *sob*sob*

Haha I was an emotional rollercoaster. Response 3 and 4 came a little later, and they were both like #2. And I ended up appreciating them more, because of the first one. So all was well in the world of my recommendations. Except, I never knew all the effort it took for every little step in this process. Printing out forms, filling out forms, waiving rights, pre-stamping and addressing envelopes, sending it all out to your recommenders. One of my profs requested that I send all this extra stuff like my personal statement, which made me realize "Ahh, I haven't even written that yet!" So I said a little prayer and that very day sat down and just typed that thing out like nobody's business haha. 3 pages of my academic and professional history in psychology and why I'm awesome. ;)

So while all that was going on, so was the studying, prepping, studying, and prepping for the GRE. And quickly the day arrived. Here's where the story gets good. I wake up at 4:45AM. Get ready. Noticed that I felt a little bloated and wasn't hungry, attributed it to nerves and the fact that I'm never hungry right away when I wake up, and ate a little anyway. (Breakfast is important, people.) And I'm on my merry way to the testing center before the sun's even up. I also had been noticing since I got up that I felt, what's a good word for it, woozy? Dizzy and kinda light-headed? Couldn't figure out what that was about, just hoped it would go away. I get to the testing center, ready to kick that 4.5-hour test's butt. End up having to wait forever cuz there was a thousand people there, and finally start the dang thing half an hour late. I zip through the first section (the 2 essays) no problem. Start the second section, math, and started noticing more pronounced bouts of the weird fuzziness in my head. Prayed that it would go away, tried to do my best. Third section, verbal. A dull headache begins manifesting itself. Prayed that it would go away, managed to keep concentrating, felt really good about that section. 10-minute break time. Hallelujah. Still feeling slightly on the verge of passing out, I went to the bathroom to put my head down. Noticed that I had color in my face just fine and I remember thinking "why does my head feel like this then, what the heck is wrong with me?" Told myself it's half over, prayed that I'd feel well enough to get through the test, went back in, sat down, thought to myself "let's do this". Fourth section, math again. Not the greatest mathematician, so once again, just did the best I could whilst battling a fuzzy, achey head. Fifth section, verbal. An important one, because that's what psychology programs care about. Began having serious trouble concentrating and kept catching myself holding my head in my hand because it took effort not to, and started realizing my head was now not only fuzzy and achey, but warm. ("Am I getting a fever?") For the millionth time, prayed that I would make it through and get the scores I need. By the end of that section, I was pretty certain that not only did I just bomb it but why, yes yes, this isn't just nerves and the room's not hot, I am feverish and feel really awful! Sixth and final section, the supposed "experimental" section that doesn't count, math. In past years they didn't tell you which one was the experimental so you wouldn't just screw it up on purpose, and so I wasn't sure if this one definitely was and wanted to do the best I could. But 5 minutes into it, it hit me like a ton of bricks- I feel like I'm going to pass out, but I'm about to barf. Booked it outta the room, had to wait for the lady to find my name in the book so I could sign out, signed out (stupid security precautions), ran down the first hall into the lobby area, grabbed the bathroom key (because of course, they keep a 4-stall public bathroom locked), ran down 2 more hallways to the bathroom, took what felt like an hour fumbling with the stupid key, made it in there (oh thank goodness) and grossness ensued- all in a matter of 30 seconds. I'll leave out the details. Suffice it to say, SO GROSS. And so unexpected- like really, what happened to, oh I don't know, your stomach hurting when it's upset? 12 minutes later I returned, thinking "of all things I imagined, never thought THAT would happen".  Felt like crap, didn't even care anymore, attempted to answer the questions with the little time I had left but thought they were insanely difficult and skipped over half of them, and then it was all over. I was already preparing excuses in my head to tell admissions people why my scores were bad. But then 10 seconds later I got my scores, and they were better than I could've hoped for given the circumstances. They actually reached the goal I had set previously. Which caused the tears to well up, I was so relieved, and grateful.

Sadly I couldn't get my "yay! the GRE's over!" cheesecake, not only because it made me sick thinking about it but because after stopping at a KOP parking lot I literally did not have the energy or strength to get out of my car and walk into the mall. It was a struggle just to drive home. But make it home I did, and spent the rest of the weekend completely incapacitated. (Still not over it actually...just started eating again a couple hours ago, wish me luck.) So with awe and amazement I look back on that test and thank God that He answered my 10 million prayers and got me through that thing. And that I got the scores I needed. AND that I didn't get sick sooner, which would've made me unable to take the test at all, I would've forfeited all that money, and wouldn't have been able to reschedule the test until too late. ANNND that I got thru the entire week and was able to accomplish an incredible amount. Because now,

MY APPS ARE FINISHED, COMPLETE, ALL NEEDED PARTS IN TRANSIT OR TAKEN CARE OF!!! yay. Much to be thankful for.

And THAT is the story of how this girl came down with the stomach flu in the middle of one of the most important and most expensive tests of her life. =)

As for grad schools, now all I gotta do is wait, the ball is in their court.