I'm a survivor

Well, I did it. It was a rough week, and I survived. I should get a cookie, or something. It floors me how much we have to fight just to be happy sometimes. And sometimes we aren't happy and we have to fight just to believe that one day we will be.

Here's what I fought against this week:

constant, nagging, worst-case-scenario, discouraging thoughts. festering and growing and refusing to leave my brain.

thinking that every little thing that happens when I didn't want it to or doesn't go the way I wanted it to is because I never get anything good and my life is supposed to suck

feeling inferior...he'll pick her because she's prettier/older/younger/sweeter/nicer/smarter/better

feeling like I don't deserve anything good to happen to me

fear and intimidation

jealousy, often times over things that haven't even happened and probably never will

coveting

confusion

being left out

missing people

lack of sleep

no energy

seeing helpless abused children with no hope of getting help

fear that someone who I spend a good chunk of my day with everyday is dying

terrifying world reports

hate crimes that just cause panic and blame and more hate

fear that I'm being ignored, or looked through

fear that my outward appearance is all that gets noticed

impatience

loneliness

feeling worthless

boredom

darkness already at 5PM

I'm proud of myself for recognizing the stuff that's completely false, and letting go of the stuff I have no control over. Yep, definitely should get that cookie.