When life throws you a curve ball, hit a homer

Oy, where to begin. I'll start with the first thought on my mind. I said goodbye to him this week. And not exactly in the way I expected to. I'm not going to bare every little detail of this story, for one because some things in a relationship are a private matter, and for two because I know how many people will read this, read it the wrong way, and spread rumors to everyone they know.

But I will be honest. Sometimes I feel like my life is one giant "here's an example of things going wrong". And that's ok, because those experiences shape me into who I am and later on down the road I realized it was for the best. But when I found this guy, I didn't want things to go wrong anymore. I've read so many stories of people finding the right person and everything after that just works out perfectly and life is happily ever after. Is it really that way? Or do people just never want to share the times when things sucked? Because let me tell you, I know some things are private, but people really shouldn't be afraid to let others know that in a relationship, it isn't always perfect. Even when you're with Mr. Right. Because when they don't, it makes the rest of us feel like something's wrong with us. It makes you doubt that what you have is real, or who you're with is the right one, because you think things should never go wrong if that's the case. And it's a fine line...how do you know if you should be fighting to overcome it or looking for someone else?

I realize Just Married is a funny, but not that fabulous romcom and you wouldn't expect any worthwhile advice to be found in it, but there's this one scene near the end that I love. The father of Ashton Kutcher's character tells him that one low point in a relationship doesn't mean you should give up and say its over, and he pulls out a photo album and explains that it only shows the happy moments, but the bad, difficult moments in the relationship are what get you from picture to picture, and happy moment to happy moment.

The past 3 or so weeks kind of sucked. And it couldn't have happened at a more inopportune moment. The stress of him leaving for 2 years just made it worse. And it gave us no time to figure out, umm let's see, ANYTHING about what we should do and what was right and just left us very, very confused. And though the last time we saw each other and said our goodbyes was on a higher note, I still can't help but feel really disappointed, because that's not the way I wanted this to go. And really scared, because I don't know what the future holds now when I used to be so sure a couple months ago. And really angry, because I screwed this up, and he screwed this up, and we as one thing screwed this up.

That being said, when it started to go down hill I did a lot of praying and fasting and thinking about it, and felt totally at peace with the situation. I haven't been upset or angry or scared since. I just know it'll be ok, I can't really explain it any more than that. And so I've decided to write him because he's still my friend. Our relationship will continue to grow. But anything else, any future, any romantic feelings coming back, any commitment, how he feels or will feel about it...that's a big question mark. And that's ok.

I've grown. My world's not shattered, at all. In fact I don't think I've ever felt more ok with a break up. I know and trust that whatever happens, is for the best. And so even if it hurts a little and seems like it was just a no good terrible situation that happened at the wrong time, I know that whoever I end up with, him or someone else, whatever the future looks like, it will be better because of this experience. I know he is in the best place he possibly could be, learning and growing and maturing in all the ways he needs to be, and that gives me great comfort. And I know that I have nothing but amazing memories and love for him. Two years is a long time, yes. There will be other guys in my life, yes. People change a lot, yes. Things will most definitely not happen the way I expect, oh yes.

But no matter what it will be freaking awesome, because it's my life.



Feel free to share stories if you got 'em. =)