Don't tell me not to fly, I've simply got to.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Miss You

Dear J,

Funny that you're the person I wish I could see and talk to more, because I just talked to you on the phone last week, and will most likely be spending lots of time with you next weekend at the wedding, if you decide to go. But in normal life, it's not often we hear from each other, thanks to 4 hour distance and busy lives. But I do miss you and care about how you're doing and think of you often, I hope you know that. No matter what happens in life you'll always have your silly old friends from back in the day. As me and S were talking about the other day, we went through the ugly stages together...growing up, middle school, high school, drama, school dances, going to see Harry Potter together with eye-liner lightning scars drawn on our heads. You name it. Even when we're old and grown and far away, I'll think back on those years of my life and think of you and be grateful that you were a part of it and we shared those years together. So when things get tough and you're feeling sad, remember little old me is thinking of you. Love you dearest. =)

Friday, July 30, 2010

Day 9: Someone I Wish I Could Meet

Hi Pres. Monson,

you don't know me, but in my world we're best friends. You make me feel better when I'm sad, tell the most fantastic stories, give me hope, help me to believe in myself, move me to tears, put a smile on my face and make me laugh. When I hear your voice, I immediately feel like someone just took me by the hand and lifted me up to higher ground, so I see a bit more clearly.

You have this effect on people all over the world. You make everyone feel like a million bucks without ever seeing us in person. I like to imagine that if I ever met you, you'd be jovial, and caring, and truly interested in me. Your love of people as an entire group, no exceptions, is inspiring. And I love that what everyone will remember you for is your desire to leave the 99 and go after the 1 missing. Because occasionally, I'm that lost one. But most often, I'm in the crowd and I'm where I should be, but all my hurts and worries and fears and crying and praying goes to the wandering lost ones in my life. It's comforting to know you understand.

Thank you thank you thank you for your service and all you do. I can't begin to know how much stress and burdens and responsibilities are upon you, but I pray that they are lightened and you remain joyful and healthy.

Love,
Sheridan

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

If you wanted the moon I would try to make a start, but I'd rather you let me give my heart

Dear friends,

I can't think of a single person that I talk to online and haven't met in person who I could call an "internet friend". So I'm writing to all the wonderful people in my life who unfortunately I rarely get to see and have to resort to the internet as a means of keeping up with them. Thanks for the love, the support, and the comments. Thanks for blog-stalking and facebook-stalking and caring about my life. Thanks for feeling sad cuz I'm sad and being happy cuz I'm happy. And for believing in me and always being on my side. I guess I kind of like you and appreciate you. Maybe. Just a little. ;)



Oh ok, you guys are beautiful and saintly and I probably don't even deserve you. But here I am, blessed with great people in my life. Yay. =)

Love, Me

Friday, July 23, 2010

You Make Me Smile

Day 7: Letter to an ex

Dear J,

I know you're not really an ex, more like an ex-"fling" of sorts, if you can even call it that, but I decided to write to you anyway. I'm glad we're friends now, and that we were able to put aside all the ridiculous rumors/truths that we heard about each other and try to figure each other out for ourselves. That's a really difficult thing to do. You're a good guy, but I'm glad we decided to be just friends. It was clearly the right choice. Although I hafta admit, if we had actually dated, it would have been HILARIOUS to see the reactions of all the people from our previous place of employment. I'm pretty positive it would've caused an uproar and their minds would've been completely blown. Can you imagine? Haha...but oh well, it wasn't meant to be. And I like where we are. Even though we don't talk much or see each other ever, I know we're cool. Thanks again for not believing everything you hear and trying to get to know me anyway. That meant a lot, and it made me feel better.


Monday, July 19, 2010

Life is a highway

Day 6: Letter to a Stranger

Dear random guy in the car next to me on the highway,

you are one of many. Today, we pulled away from being stopped at a red light on the highway, and I was in the left lane trying to speed up to my usual. And then I start getting neck in neck with you, and apparently it would be such an awful horrific thing in your life if someone passed you (in the proper lane) so you take off in front of me. Cool. Did I do anything about it? Nope. Sorry to be a big party-pooping disappointment by not trying to catch you. This happens to me on a daily basis...some stupid kid in an old, unimpressive (often beat-up and ugly) car tries to race with me, or doesn't like being passed, or does that creepy thing where they stay right aside of me and won't go away. At least once a day. So I'm really sorry, but you're nothing new and kind of just SUPER annoying.

Maybe, MAYBE if A. this didn't happen all the time, 2. you actually had a nice car worth racing against or D. you weren't some retard that tries to flirt with girls you'll never see again by leaving them in your dust (which is precisely why you'll never see them again, making it completely pointless) then I might race with you.

So I apologize that in the 4 seconds you were in my life and I didn't even see your face, I found you to be really lame. I know I'm just that irresistible with the wind blowing in my hair in my little civic hybrid singing to my music, and you just feel the need to do something to try and impress me, but next time, try to pass it up. And word of advice, if you're trying to find a girl, go look for her at a party or somewhere fun or even online for goodness sake. Don't try to woo someone you're driving by, because the situation makes it impossible, and you suck at it.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Dream On

Day 5: Dreams

Dear daydreams,

I'm writing to you, because 80% of the nighttime dreams I remember are nightmarish and awful, and who wants to write to them anyway? You're much more fun. So daydreams...I have quite a few of you. Most of you are about my future. What school I'm gonna go to and when. What degree I'll go back for. My future career. I just want the typical happy life ya know? Go to school, work, find him, get married, try and figure out life together. Have cute babies. Work some more. Complain about work. Love work. Help people and change lives. Spend time with family and friends in someone's backyard on a deck while our kids run wild. And hopefully do some of that before there are kids to run wild. In one word, I want contentment. Or stability, that's another good one. Knowing that what's happening in my life was meant to be and that even when it's tough, things will be ok.

That's what you're all about, daydreams. But you wanna know what's great? No matter how much my mind wanders and I think about all these things and how I'd like it to be...what's actually going to happen is gonna be so much greater than I can possibly imagine. Things won't go exactly according to you or what I think. And that's the way it should be. How boring would life be if it exactly followed the plans we had, always getting what we want? Sometimes we don't even know what we want/what's good for us. And that's why reality will be even better. That includes struggle and monotony and suffering. It will all be perfectly as it should be. Because that's life, and it'll be mine. And as much as I like to meet up with you throughout the day and think about it, it's still just fun and games. Because I can't know how it will really play out.

That being said, there is nothing wrong with my rendezvousing with you about future events. In fact, it's quite healthy, and I will continue doing it on a daily basis. I just have to keep in mind that even though you're really fun and I like you a lot, real life will be different, but unthinkably better. It's a win-win situation. Yay!

Yours Truly

Friday, July 16, 2010

Some day you'll be free

A disclaimer before I start: some of my religious beliefs may come up depending on the topic I'm discussing in these letters. To those reading who are not of the same faith, please don't be offended. I'm not trying to throw stuff at you or be preachy. It's a part of me, and of my life, so things will unavoidably come up from time to time. I just want you to see from my perspective.

Day 4: A sibling/close relative

Dear Nameless,

You are my constant/lifetime reminder of how vital it is to choose good friends, and how much it can effect your entire life if you do/don't. But I hate that. I'd rather just have a healthy and happy you in my life, instead of a 'what not to do'. I was really little, but I remember you...the person you were before your body and mind got caught in a snare that you still haven't been able to find the strength or will to escape from. I remember that you were really loving. And you loved little kids, especially me. You were shy, but lots of people took interest in you and cared about you.

You were so young, just a kid, when it all started. Can you even remember what it's like to be free? You've been trapped for the majority of your life. It rules you. My heart breaks when I think about this awful struggle, this battle you're losing, and the rut we all feel like we'll never get out of. We still love you, ya know. I keep hope alive that one day your brain will be clear and you, the you that's still deep down there, somewhere, will be in control of your thoughts, and will have the strength and motivation to say, "this ends today". I know the statistics, I've taken the classes...it's a life-long fight. A difficult multi-step process out, one easy slide back in. That's what we should expect. I know all that, and yet I hope.

I know you're depressed. I know you're bombarded with feelings of worthlessness. But don't you ever give up either. Nothing is ever hopeless. Look forward to the future; you have a purpose. One day you will be set free, leaving this all behind you, never to have this debilitating ailment stop you or hold you back or sadden you ever again. You will be you, your mind will be clear and all your own, and you will be able to feel, finally, the love many of us have for you. Hold on. God loves you and he knows your struggles. It doesn't matter what you've done or how many times you've screwed up. It doesn't matter if you're in a bad place and it's your own stupid fault you got there. He's on your side. Life isn't easy. You might not believe me now, but one day you'll understand. Things will be ok in the end.

Love,
Sheridan

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Love from "the baby" #6

Day 3: Letter to My Parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

I hate to write one of those sappy, "you're my hero" type of letters, but let's face it, you guys kind of are. It's not easy to step out and stand alone and stick to your beliefs. And it's especially difficult in small town, close-minded Pennsylvania where at least 75% of the people stand together in thinking you're crazy, different, and wrong. Your story reminds me a little of another story I might have heard once or twice...about this 14-year-old kid from Palmyra, NY back in the day. ;) You were one of the very first here. You started something. Despite constant misunderstanding, disapproving looks, and whispers behind your back ever since that day 39 years ago, here you are standing firm. And that, dear parents, is pretty heroic in my book.

Dad, thanks for showing me how important it is to love every single person ever no matter what they've done, or where they are in life or what their background is. You lead with love, and I've learned so much from your example.

Mom, thanks for letting me cry and complain and talk your ear off for hours and days and months and years about all the awful things in life. You were the only person I felt comfortable talking to at that point. I'm glad I could confide in you, it helped to talk. And now I get to go to you for advice all the time. =)

I could pretty much go on for awhile, but will end here. So in closing, thank you thank you for everything. You are loved and appreciated. And I still haven't given up on the idea that we'll all pitch in and buy you guys a beach house one day to party in. But only if I'm invited.

Love,
Sheridan

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Stay Beautiful

Day 2, Letter to My Crush

Dear Mr. C.,

one reoccuring thought I had that weekend I saw you was "why is he still single?". You're like the kind of guy I was beginning to think didn't exist in this world, but we all dream about...or at least I do anyway. You seemed humble, but happy and confident. You had leadership capability and a strong testimony. You knew when to be serious and when to have fun and be silly, a trait I've noticed that many people don't have. Do you know how rare you are? (I could be wrong, maybe your ego is big...in that case, there are way too many like you in this world haha.) I was only around you for 2 days, and with just a passing glance noticed great qualities in you. It boggles my mind that no other girls who are around you more often have realized this and tried to snatch you up yet. Not that I'm about to do it either...the 6 hour distance combined with the fact that we don't really know each other kind of prevents that from happening. How lame. So I guess it's like you said (and I'm pretty sure you said it politely, not expecting it to ever happen) if you're ever in the area, let me know, and we'll get together. Until then, you'll remain that random guy I saw once at a ysa conference and was really attracted to, nothing more.

Cheers,
Sheridan

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Day 1: A Letter to My Best Friend

It's hard for me to say I have one particular "best friend", but I've decided to write to my wonderful friend Sydney. =)

Dear Syd,

I love that the first memories I have of our friendship is 5th grade recess which always began with you splashing water in my face and running out of the bathroom and I would chase you and you would always always go up the slide first. And you would just sit there at the top until I started following you up those stairs. And the entire time we'd be giggling hysterically. I love that we did that every single day and it never got old.

I'm super-pumped that you're here this summer...I feel like this is the last summer to hang out and go crazy and have fun, since you'll be moving to Arizona with Steve and starting your big-girl life. In your words, barf. ;) But this summer has meant a lot so far. It started with a really difficult thing that we had to do...and I'll never forget hyperventilating/crying/shaking and holding hands with you as we walked forward and up that sidewalk and got a long-lost friend back. And we did that together. I always hoped you'd be a forever friend, and this summer helped me realize you will be. Even if we don't see each other ever or talk very often, we'll get together and still be the same as we always were. After all, we didn't go home to our moms everyday crying in 6th and 7th grade for nothing. =) We don't wanna lose each other. And we got through it all...being in separate classes, me getting "stolen", you being in Germany senior year, awful boys and broken hearts and feeling depressed, college and living far apart...and here we are. I'm pretty sure by now we're stuck with each other haha and we'll get through everything, somehow.

So for the rest of the summer, I'm hoping for many more days of laying on a blanket in the grass listening to a live band and just talking, nights of driving around singing to the radio (like singing With Arms Wide Open without moving your bottom jaw to sound like the lead guy haha), evenings spent bbq-ing like our awesome 4th of July celebration, eating pizza/eating fondue/just eating a lot with Haley, both of our birthday celebrations, and a trip to Hersheypark complete with getting crazy pictures taken. I love you!

Love Always,
Your Sherm =)

Monday, July 12, 2010

I love the sound of pouring rain

I just found this through a friend on facebook, and really really like the idea. Write a letter per day to the person on the list. I feel like it would be very therapeutic, and fun...annnndd I think I'm gonna try it, although I have the feeling I'll put a lot of time and energy into it and it will take me much much longer than 30 days. I also haven't decided whether or not I'm gonna post it on here or just do it privately...but I figured I would share, in case there's anyone else who thinks it's as fun as I do. I'll start tomorrow. =)



Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror