The deuteronomy bag from the barn dance

Lately I've been chuckling to myself about a story that happened a little while back, and I do so enjoy telling stories on here so I thought I would share to the blog world. Hopefully the cause for the humor never reads this story.



Once upon a time about 8 months ago, as most of you know, this guy I'd been dating for awhile named Josh left to serve his mission in Brasil. And this is what happened, 3 days later.

The ysa were having one of our regional activities, and it was the barn dance up at Penn State. I was having a rough time getting used to the change of being with someone all the time to the whole "see ya in 2 years, maybe, cuz who knows if anything will ever be the same again, soo love ya see ya bye!" thing. But for 3 days I held up pretty well. There had been no tears, no breakdowns, no whining, no ridiculousness on my part. I mostly went to the barn dance cuz it meant our annual trip to the Berkey Creamery, home of the most delicioso ice cream on earth. Also, I like to dance.

Well, the whole event got boring for me and I decided to hang with my dj friend Ivan/hide from anyone on the prowl and sit in the corner behind the dj table. And Ivan's a popular guy, right? So I guess my plan wasn't the best, because everyone comes up and wants to talk to him and sits with him. And along came this guy, let's call him Matt, because he reminds me of a Matt I know. Matt was talking to Ivan, but I soon realized Matt was sitting there talking to Ivan to get to me. Joy! He introduces himself, all the while giving me this look like he's the cat and I'm the mouse-prey that he's playing with and mildly amused by. If there's one thing I hate, it's when a guy looks at me like he's the smartest human being on the planet and every word out of my mouth is amusing and deserves to be mocked.

I wasn't interested in Matt, and I acted like it. Normally I'm still a friendly polite person, but given the circumstances, I didn't go out of my way to be like that for him. After small talk that I don't really remember, because of not being interested, I remember him asking me if I would dance with him if he asked me later. And me, who never turns down a dance no matter what said "sure". Then he proceeds to say "I might not ask you though, so don't get your hopes up. I'll think about it. So maybe I will. Maybe I won't" To which I responded with an I-could-not-care-less "ok", but inwardly (and ok, maybe outwardly too) was giving him the "what the...??" face. Actually outwardly I think I smiled and laughed like "oh AHAHAHAH aren't you so funny". And he got up and left and I hoped he'd just not come back after that.

He came back. The next slow song, I'm pretty sure. He claimed he would've just felt like a terrible person if he didn't ask me after getting my hopes up talking to me earlier. I guess he had me pegged as the shy girl that never gets any attention from guys...haha. I didn't really know what to say. I mean, really, what do you say? I think all that came out of my mouth was "oh ok".

So we go to the dance floor and start dancing, and do you wanna know the very first question he asks me? He knew my name and my age at that point, and that was about it. He asks me, "soo, do you watch rated R movies?".

RED. FLAG.

Bad first question. Bad bad bad. To my non-LDS friends, let me explain. In our church we're cautioned to beware of what we watch, and take care to not watch anything grossly inappropriate or violent, however, rated R movies aren't forbidden. It's a personal choice, and some people just choose to stay away from all R-rated movies entirely. Other people don't. I've watched a few, but the majority of them I won't because I know they'd make me angry and/or gross me out in some way or another.

Now, the reason I saw this as a red flag...while I'm not against watching R-rated movies, and while it is a fair and normal question when asked at an appropriate time, that was just it, the timing was all wrong. It gave me the vibe that what he wanted to know about me first and foremost is, do I honestly and sincerely try to live my faith to the best of my ability, or do I take a more blase approach and pick and choose the parts I feel like following, when I feel like doing it. And I've learned that people who nit-pick about tiny things have a bigger problem, if that makes sense.

So back to the story. I was kind of taken aback by the question and so I said "yeah. Well, I mean, some of them. Not like, all of them...or anything." Which prompted a little amused smile that I wanted to smack right off his face. I don't remember the rest of the conversation, other than him saying half way through the dance "you're not one for talking are you?" (Incorrect, sir.) I said, "umm, no, actually I talk a lot" (I just don't like you.) I mainly remember figuring he would leave me alone after that because he probably viewed me as a socially awkward and unintelligent girl, and I really didn't care if he did.

Alas, I apparently passed his test and in his mind met his standards.

He wasn't measuring up to mine.

At the end of the dance, he asked if I would be cool with going out on a date with him sometime. And I'm so conditioned to saying yes to a first date that I immediately put on the fake smile once again and said "yeah, sure, that would be great!" (This reminds me of that episode of Friends when Chandler can't break up with Rachel's boss because he keeps accidentally/automatically ending every conversation with "so yeah this was great, we should do it again sometime!" even after he breaks up with her.) Matt wanted my phone number, but his phone was dead, so he gave me his number and I put it in mine and he said he'd look me up on facebook. And he finally left. I think it was a tender mercy of the Lord that he did NOT get my phone number haha.

Now, to be fair. I don't expect the guys I date to be perfect, and I didn't hate Matt or anything. I've been incorrect about people and so even though I thought I saw a red flag, normally I would give someone a chance. Had this happened in the present, I would've gone on a date with him. But it happened THREE DAYS after saying goodbye to someone I really care about and I was still only just beginning to get used to him not being around anymore. And Matt just did not compare to him. In fact, he was kind of creepy. And so, after Matt walked away, the tears started welling up, and I ran to the bathroom sniffling and cried my eyes out in there. Here I was thinking I was handling it well.

Haha everyone usually laughs at me when I get to that part of the story, but it was traumatic guys, ok?

I went home, once again hoping nothing would come of this and knowing full-well I would never send this kid a single text message. Almost a whole day passed and I started thinking my wish might just come true. Alas, that evening a notification on my phone pops up for facebook, and guess who friend requested me? Despite the sense of dread I felt the moment I saw that request, I accepted it. Don't worry, only wonderfully hilarious things came out of that decision.

The first thing I did was get on a few event pages like Tuckahoe and invite him, not because I was hoping to see him but because when I meet new ysa I always just invite them to everything. Sometimes I do it in hopes that creepers will go to these things and find a nice girl and live happily ever after. Haha now you know my secret. But really, I just try to invite everyone. After sending out some invites, I forgot about him. Until....

About 2 days later, I receive a facebook message from him, saying, "I'm kind of surprised I haven't received a text yet. Also, I'm even more surprised you sent me some invites to 2 random ysa activities. I had no idea you were wrapped up in that."

"Wrapped up"? Like my calling is some kind of awful trap I got sucked into and can't get out of? Like all my wonderful friends from ysa have some disease? Lame, Matt. LAME. So I responded with a why yes, I'm a stake rep, I plan activities and love the ysa program because it changed my life, thankyouverymuch. And then I explained my situation and told him I didn't wanna date him, but I'm cool with having friends and we can get to know each other that way.

Do you think he took it well? If you said yes, you're just silly. If you said no, you're partially correct. If you just shook your head and laughed and thought, "he probably acted like a complete douchebag" you are the closest.

In a tone that even thru email came across as ice-cold, he gave me strict orders to not hand out his phone number or send out any more invites to activities, because he is VERY careful about who he gives his number to (yeahokay) and he's not a fan of ysa activities, doesn't want to hear about it, and doesn't want anyone else contacting him about it. He told me my situation was a shame and said "I do kind of feel bad for you because well...I'm pretty awesome" (HAHA Matt, this is the first time you really made me laugh!). Also "maybe I'll see you around somewhere in the future" (highly doubt it if you bite people's heads off whenever they send you an invite bud). And then in some ridiculous attempt to hurt my feelings told me if he should happen to delete me as a facebook friend, I should not take it personally, and if this comes across harsh, it's only because he likes to be straightforward.

Which part did you like best? I personally laughed out loud over the I pity you because I'm awesome line. That took the cake for me. Although the I'm-so-hurt-I-need-to-hurt-you-back-and-deny-your-invitation-to-be-friends thing was pretty fantastic too.  I was laughing about it the rest of the day. True to his word, a couple weeks later he deleted me. And this time I was the one who had a small amused smirk on my face. ;)


And that's the story that came to be known as "the douchebag from the barn dance". Or, to use missionary-friendly terms that my friend Juan came up with, deuteronomy bag.

Some day I will tell you all of the story that happened 1 day after this one blew over (approx 4 days after the barn dance) involving a second guy.


At the beginning of this post I mentioned that I hope the cause of the humor never reads this. If he does, do your best Larry the Cable Guy impression as you read this: "well I don't care who you are, that's funny right there."

Thanks 'Matt', for a story that'll be around for a really long time.

Logan's Run

Alright, so...about 2 and a half months ago I up and decided I was gonna run a 5k, right?

Here's the post where it all began: So I'm a runner now...barf

For about 3-4 weeks I "trained", if you can even call it that. I really had no idea what I was doing haha. I got up and ran most mornings, having not run in years and years. I only ran the actual 5k distance twice. Usually I only ran 1.5 miles, sometimes not even that much. The 2 weeks leading up to the race, I got lazy, I got a cold for part of it, and didn't run a single time, yikes! Haha it was so bad.

That being said, I told myself I would do this thing to support the kiddos at work, and so, on April 14th in Harrisburg, I did it. Here are the before shots:

There were about 300 people in the race and we started it by going across the footbridge from City Island to Front Street. I got caught up in the moment and overworked myself at the very start, which for you non-runners means you end up being worn out and tired and slower than normal for the entire race. Woohoo! haha

I also felt like I was going to break my leg on the bridge, because 300 people running on it all at once causes some pretty serious waves and shaking (this is a really big metal bridge, btw), and it kept coming up to meet my feet before I expected it to and it felt SO WEIRD. I literally ran on my toes doing high-knees across the entire thing but it didn't help much.

With all the negatives aside, I pushed through the whole race, passed 2 people I had made a goal to get in front of, and finished in 34 minutes, coming in 206th out of the 300. I missed my goal of 30 minutes, but I didn't care! I was so proud of myself! =) Plus, my previous fastest time was 35 minutes.


I would like to try it again sometime soon...I've since learned some tips to properly train, like doing interval training and lots of sprints, so that's my next goal and I'm excited to see it happen! Next goal: 27 minutes. And more than 6 weeks to get ready haha!