Waa Waa Boo Hoo I'm a Baby

So...it's been awhile. This is really sad, but the other day a friend of mine said "hey, I just started reading your blog!" and I literally thought to myself "whaa? oh yeah! I have a blog!". It's only been a month since I posted, not like an entire year or anything. What the heck, self? I think I've been more overwhelmed than I realize lately. Then I get here and everything is so different it almost scared me away. I'm turning into my grandmother.

Mom can't use her cell phone to talk to Grandma. Well, she can, but if Grandma finds out she's talking to someone who is using a cell phone and not a landline, she gets all quiet and shy and suddenly doesn't wanna talk anymore. 5 minutes into the conversation: "Are you on your cell phone?" "Yeah" "Oh..." *silence* Haha! Like it makes a difference. Oh technology and change.

Speaking of change, that's my life right now. It just hit me a few days ago that in 2 months (less, now), I will be starting my graduate studies. And immediately after I realized that my mind said "omgosh OMGOSH I have 2 months TWO MONTHS I'm going back to school I HAVE NO MONEY. I have to move to Philly. I need a new job. I need a second job. I HAVE NO MONEY. *starts looking at places to live* I can't get a place to live until I know I have a job there first. *starts applying to jobs* what if I get a job and I can't find a place to live?? I'M GOING BACK TO SCHOOL. I HAVE NO MONEY. WHY DID I THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?

I have since calmed down. A little bit anyway. I suppose what's weirding me out is that I'm ready for an adventure but at the same time I want to keep everything here. Keep things just the way they are. And I can't have both.

I have 2 interviews lined up in the next 2 weeks that unfortunately I have to call off work and drive all the way to Philadelphia for. But if I get a job it'll be worth the sacrifice. And then I think other things will start falling into place from there. Here's hoping.

And curse you Mother Nature for turning me into an emotional mess once a month. Good gravy. YOU ARE NOT HELPING THINGS AT ALL. I don't get mean or angry or short-tempered. I just get SUPER emotional and sensitive. Blech. I randomly broke down and cried tonite, and I felt like a 15 year old, because this is what I think I cried about (I don't even know for sure, and hint, these things are all either blatantly false or over-dramatized): friends liking other friends better than me, my dad had a stroke 2 weeks ago and now a friend is in the hospital and I didn't even know at first and life is just stressful, feeling excluded, NOT HAVING ANY MONEY (haha sorry I had to), feeling inferior to every girl, every runner, every TSS, EVERYONE, how much it sucks and how difficult it is to write/support/care about a missionary (this is *sniff* like, the HARDEST thing in the WORLD), I love these people and they don't love me back, NOBODY IN THE ENTIRE WORLD EVEN LIKES ME, and my parents being sweethearts and getting me take-out when they went out to eat and nothing the place had sounded good. Etc.

Whew. I feel better now. And I know my friends like me. And the food my parents brought home was really good. And the world doesn't revolve around me and I know that and am fine with it. And everything will be ok and it'll all work out. Just gotta keep telling myself that.

Sorry for this incredibly lame and ridiculous post. Welcome back to my blog. I'm gonna go watch Sense and Sensibility now and cry some more.