Just an fyi, I don't hate, though I won't deny I have hated in my past. But I know better now. And so this letter is Day 12: Person who caused me a lot of pain, NOT Day 12: Person I hate the most.
Oh and disclaimer: the only private information I'm sharing is my own to share. All other info is already public. I'm not airing anyone's dirty laundry, nor do I wish to spread rumors. I'm stating fact.
Dear Dh,
the other day I was at a get-together with some old friends and your name came up. And you know, nowadays you never cease to put a smile on my face. This is saying something. There was a time that even hearing your name would make my heart jump up in my throat and I would start visibly shaking because you made me so angry. Now you're a complete stranger to me and hearing about your life is like hearing about someone I've never met. Time heals ALL wounds. Even serious awful ones. And that gives me hope.
I heard you failed out of college, with one semester left. At a school that charges per semester like what, $25,000? Maybe it's even more now, idk. Maybe that's what it costs a year...either way it's a crapton right?So you spent 7 semesters at school, most likely racked up enormous debt, and didn't work hard enough (understatement of the century) to have a degree to show for it. And if you ever want to go back to school, you'll have to start from the beginning, correct? I think it's safe to say almost none of those credits will transfer. And midst all of that you made yourself very unpopular there with a public, awful and sexist comment. And then that very same girl you directed the comment toward ended up overcoming all the obstacles you tried to throw at her and came out on top.
I just had to laugh. And not in that bitter, negative, laughing-at-your-misfortune kind of way. Though I have reason to, that's beneath me. Neither is it because I feel superior or smarter than you. It just really is quite hilarious. Like when you hear about some celebrity who just ALWAYS puts their foot in their mouth or does something dumb, and you laugh and think "what did they do this time?" That kind of thing. I know you won't think so, obviously, because it's your life. But trust me on this one. It's funny. What were you thinking? Were you? It all just seems so unreal. Especially thinking back to the person I knew 6 or 7 years ago who I called my best friend. It honestly feels like that happened 6,000 years ago in some other life.
Heard you cheated on your ex. That made me laugh too, because it didn't surprise me at all. I did feel really sorry for her though. You know, for awhile I thought I would be the only girl in your life you would ever do such a horrific thing to. That for some reason I was a special circumstance. You had me convinced I was low enough that I was the only worthless person you would do that to. But now I realize you treat all girls that way. Who'da thunk? You have not been faithful in any relationship you've ever been in. I'll tell you when I didn't laugh. When I heard speculation (yes, this isn't fact) that you cheated on your ex with your current fiancee. Because I don't care who she is, I don't care that there's not much going on upstairs for her, or that she's stupid enough to think that even though you cheated with her, she's "different" and you'll miraculously stop being a cheater and be loyal to her. She doesn't deserve that, and she won't deserve it 10 years from now when you've driven her hopes and dreams and self-esteem into the ground, leaving her depressed and heartbroken and a single parent, because you felt the need to belittle her and treat her like dirt while running around on her and sleeping with 15 different women. I pray you don't do that to her. I pray you remain faithful and devoted. I pray you love your kids and put them first before thinking of ruining your family to satisfy your physical needs with the president of the homewrecker club. Because even if she is an idiot, your wife deserves that from you. And your kids deserve a loving father who would do anything for them, not a selfish whore.
Surprise me. Be faithful for the first time in your life. If you have kids in the future, love them. Put their needs higher than yours. Be humble. I dare you.
You know what else makes me laugh in that you-cannot-be-serious kind of way? You proclaim to be religious and saintly and think you're up higher and better than lots of people. And in your mind you praise God for loving all the awful confused and sinful people beneath you, like women and homosexuals and Mormons and people who weren't born in this country and little kids and anyone who doesn't believe exactly what you do and the list goes on. And then there's all of us on that list who praise God for having a perfect love for the likes of you, someone the rest of us find so difficult to love. How He does it, no one knows. Despite the people you've hurt and the precious lives you've messed with, He still loves you and wants the best for you. And I can't understand it. As long as I live, I will never be able to love you or like you, or even want to be around you. But it's true. Maybe I'll understand one day.
I hope there's a day somewhere in your future when you'll figure things out, feel sorry for what you've done, and humbly believe in equality. Until then, God love you Dh, because frankly, no one else will.
Don't tell me not to fly, I've simply got to.
