What's next?

I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Not about my new job...so far that's been stress-free. Just about life. I'm at a major transition point, and I absolutely hate it. I could choose to go down about 50,000 different paths right now. I never thought it would be like that. Things are usually pretty structured for us, you know? Go to school, learn how to drive, get a crappy part-time job, graduate, pick a career, go to college, on and on and on and on. Always something to help us take the next step. And so I thought it would continue to be like that...that I would find someone or have a place for grad school in mind or SOMETHING. Some deciding factor or little guiding light as to what's next. But nothing. No strings, no idea where to go from here. Like now that I have my job, does that mean I'm gonna live in this area for awhile? Or just for kicks should I move across the country? Once I have enough money to move out and get my own place, where on earth should I live? And with who? How long til I go back to grad school? Where do I go for that?

Ugh so many questions. I wish I knew what I wanted, or what was right. Actually, I do know what I want: first off, a man would be nice haha. A real-deal guy, not a summer fling. Not someone who talks big but can't deliver. No creepers, no players, no 20-something guys that have the dating mentality of a kid in junior high. Just the real thing. The kind of guy that I can have the time of my life with just driving around with no particular place to go, cuz conversation never gets old. Who I can be my complete self around, and am loved for that. But that's not exactly something I can just go get when I want...and it might not happen for years. Barf. I also wanna move out soon, but that's a scary thought. All I know is when I do, I'm taking Salem with me (if she lives through tomorrow's surgery, UGH), I'm going to adopt Tigh if he's still at Best Friends, and I'm going to buy a bunny. I've wanted one since I was 4. Haha my place is gonna smell awesome. I'll keep it clean. And also, I wanna go back to school sometime in the next couple years. But where? Really have no clue.

Maybe something big is about to happen. And I'm just waiting on the edge. I hope. But I'm the one that needs to leap to make something happen.

So about Salem. It's a completely irrational fear really, but here's how it goes. She's going in for tooth surgery, because most of it broke off but there's still a piece in her gum that needs to be removed so it doesn't become infected. Simple procedure, no need to worry. Reason I'm worrying? It's the same exact procedure that Lucky never recovered from and died 2 weeks after. But his story was so different. His tooth didn't get removed for years, so it did become infected. He was sick from the infection for a month or 2 before we noticed, and that coupled with surgery seriously weakened his immune system so that cancer popped up and spread like wildfire. I'm still nervous though...Salem is a frail little thing to begin with. Oy. I get so worried about my sweet little animals.

On the bright side of life, I'm liking the job so far. Hilarious children, nice people, and wonderful 6-hour days that go by fast. Even when it's been a long day, or "one of those days" it's not so bad. And it's experience that I'm sure will help me when I'm ready to go back to school. I have wonderful friends. I'm gonna be a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding and get to go dress shopping with her soon...I'm pumped. =) And a couple weekends from now I'm gonna get to meet Elder Scott when he's here for leadership training. Woo-hoo. =)