I have a question for everyone out there...and I don't care if I don't know you that well and you're reading this (stalker...j/k), you can still feel free to answer cuz I'm curious. At really low points in your life, what did you do to get through it? If you don't mind telling, what happened that made you feel so awful? And to use church lingo, what do you think it means to "endure it well"?
I've been trying to figure out what that means. I suppose it's different in all situations. It's hard for me this time around tho, because for once I'm in a situation where I did nothing wrong. Someone I love let me down and hurt me, but even worse, they're hurting themselves, and if it continues, their future. I KNOW I'll be ok. I have everything going for me right now. But I don't know that that person will be ok. And it really REALLY terrifies me. I have never been so anxious for someone else's welfare in my life. So what do you do when the thing you have to endure through isn't exactly your problem, but you still feel like you're dying knowing that the other person is ruining themselves?
Good grief, I should never have children haha. Anywho, I know I need to be patient and be me and live my life. I'll get there. But the not knowing and the wait for understanding and for things to get better KILLS me. I am soooo impatient.
I probably sound really self-righteous right now. Wow that's new for me. It's not like that though. I'm not one to think that anyone's life or decisions are wrong. That's not up to me to judge. But there's things you don't want for anyone, you know? You don't want your loved ones to suffer from addiction. You don't wanna see anyone choose to go back to an abusive relationship. It's more like that. I hope I'm being understood here.
So yesterday I was browsing and I came across this really awesome article by President Benson from the mid-70's. I'm one of those people that when bad things start happening in my life, I really have to fight to not fall into depression. I've been there and never wanna go back, but it's a struggle. And though I'm sure he probably didn't take a single psychology class ever, he spoke as someone who studied the science his whole life. I would know. ;) Anywho, I think it's super-helpful and he hit the nail right on the head, so if you're interested/at all like me/feeling down lately, check it out. It's called Do Not Despair.
I guess that's all I have to say for now. =) Thanks to all who have been there for me lately and have been helping, as I said a couple posts ago, to carry me. I still don't feel the strength to walk by myself, but I know with all your continued help, it won't be long. I love you all.
To keep my resolution alive, I'll end by dwelling on some happy things.
#1. Ellen will be home from Chile really soon and she says things like this: "that anyone could love you so much and then mistreat you in the end makes me want to vomit" (told you I'd quote you haha) and I laugh, and I can't wait to visit her at Millersville. =)
#2. I sent in my application to be a TSS with Philhaven today and will hopefully have a real job real soon!
#3. My car needed new wiper blades so Dad went today and it only cost $10. Woot.
this doesn't make any sense. i posted a comment and now its not here anymore. anyways my advice was to get your mind obsorbed into something else. it takes your mind off of it and then when your done you can think more clearly and rationaly. sometimes it takes awhile but it has always helped me. and PRAYER always helps : )
ReplyDeleteI echo Brooke! You have so much other stuff going on, and it's all POSITIVE!!! So focuse on YOU and what makes YOU HAPPY!! At some point, you have to realize that you can't control anyone's decisions but your own, as hard as it is. It might hurt you to do it, but you might just need to distance yourself from He Who Shall Not Be Named. You know you've been a positive influence for him, and all you can do is pray that one day all that you've done will come back to him and he'll find his way! Don't let it get you down!!
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