A disclaimer before I start: some of my religious beliefs may come up depending on the topic I'm discussing in these letters. To those reading who are not of the same faith, please don't be offended. I'm not trying to throw stuff at you or be preachy. It's a part of me, and of my life, so things will unavoidably come up from time to time. I just want you to see from my perspective.
Day 4: A sibling/close relative
Dear Nameless,
You are my constant/lifetime reminder of how vital it is to choose good friends, and how much it can effect your entire life if you do/don't. But I hate that. I'd rather just have a healthy and happy you in my life, instead of a 'what not to do'. I was really little, but I remember you...the person you were before your body and mind got caught in a snare that you still haven't been able to find the strength or will to escape from. I remember that you were really loving. And you loved little kids, especially me. You were shy, but lots of people took interest in you and cared about you.
You were so young, just a kid, when it all started. Can you even remember what it's like to be free? You've been trapped for the majority of your life. It rules you. My heart breaks when I think about this awful struggle, this battle you're losing, and the rut we all feel like we'll never get out of. We still love you, ya know. I keep hope alive that one day your brain will be clear and you, the you that's still deep down there, somewhere, will be in control of your thoughts, and will have the strength and motivation to say, "this ends today". I know the statistics, I've taken the classes...it's a life-long fight. A difficult multi-step process out, one easy slide back in. That's what we should expect. I know all that, and yet I hope.
I know you're depressed. I know you're bombarded with feelings of worthlessness. But don't you ever give up either. Nothing is ever hopeless. Look forward to the future; you have a purpose. One day you will be set free, leaving this all behind you, never to have this debilitating ailment stop you or hold you back or sadden you ever again. You will be you, your mind will be clear and all your own, and you will be able to feel, finally, the love many of us have for you. Hold on. God loves you and he knows your struggles. It doesn't matter what you've done or how many times you've screwed up. It doesn't matter if you're in a bad place and it's your own stupid fault you got there. He's on your side. Life isn't easy. You might not believe me now, but one day you'll understand. Things will be ok in the end.
Love,
Sheridan
Don't tell me not to fly, I've simply got to.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Love from "the baby" #6
Day 3: Letter to My Parents
Dear Mom and Dad,
I hate to write one of those sappy, "you're my hero" type of letters, but let's face it, you guys kind of are. It's not easy to step out and stand alone and stick to your beliefs. And it's especially difficult in small town, close-minded Pennsylvania where at least 75% of the people stand together in thinking you're crazy, different, and wrong. Your story reminds me a little of another story I might have heard once or twice...about this 14-year-old kid from Palmyra, NY back in the day. ;) You were one of the very first here. You started something. Despite constant misunderstanding, disapproving looks, and whispers behind your back ever since that day 39 years ago, here you are standing firm. And that, dear parents, is pretty heroic in my book.
Dad, thanks for showing me how important it is to love every single person ever no matter what they've done, or where they are in life or what their background is. You lead with love, and I've learned so much from your example.
Mom, thanks for letting me cry and complain and talk your ear off for hours and days and months and years about all the awful things in life. You were the only person I felt comfortable talking to at that point. I'm glad I could confide in you, it helped to talk. And now I get to go to you for advice all the time. =)
I could pretty much go on for awhile, but will end here. So in closing, thank you thank you for everything. You are loved and appreciated. And I still haven't given up on the idea that we'll all pitch in and buy you guys a beach house one day to party in. But only if I'm invited.
Love,
Sheridan
Dear Mom and Dad,
I hate to write one of those sappy, "you're my hero" type of letters, but let's face it, you guys kind of are. It's not easy to step out and stand alone and stick to your beliefs. And it's especially difficult in small town, close-minded Pennsylvania where at least 75% of the people stand together in thinking you're crazy, different, and wrong. Your story reminds me a little of another story I might have heard once or twice...about this 14-year-old kid from Palmyra, NY back in the day. ;) You were one of the very first here. You started something. Despite constant misunderstanding, disapproving looks, and whispers behind your back ever since that day 39 years ago, here you are standing firm. And that, dear parents, is pretty heroic in my book.
Dad, thanks for showing me how important it is to love every single person ever no matter what they've done, or where they are in life or what their background is. You lead with love, and I've learned so much from your example.
Mom, thanks for letting me cry and complain and talk your ear off for hours and days and months and years about all the awful things in life. You were the only person I felt comfortable talking to at that point. I'm glad I could confide in you, it helped to talk. And now I get to go to you for advice all the time. =)
I could pretty much go on for awhile, but will end here. So in closing, thank you thank you for everything. You are loved and appreciated. And I still haven't given up on the idea that we'll all pitch in and buy you guys a beach house one day to party in. But only if I'm invited.
Love,
Sheridan
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Stay Beautiful
Day 2, Letter to My Crush
Dear Mr. C.,
one reoccuring thought I had that weekend I saw you was "why is he still single?". You're like the kind of guy I was beginning to think didn't exist in this world, but we all dream about...or at least I do anyway. You seemed humble, but happy and confident. You had leadership capability and a strong testimony. You knew when to be serious and when to have fun and be silly, a trait I've noticed that many people don't have. Do you know how rare you are? (I could be wrong, maybe your ego is big...in that case, there are way too many like you in this world haha.) I was only around you for 2 days, and with just a passing glance noticed great qualities in you. It boggles my mind that no other girls who are around you more often have realized this and tried to snatch you up yet. Not that I'm about to do it either...the 6 hour distance combined with the fact that we don't really know each other kind of prevents that from happening. How lame. So I guess it's like you said (and I'm pretty sure you said it politely, not expecting it to ever happen) if you're ever in the area, let me know, and we'll get together. Until then, you'll remain that random guy I saw once at a ysa conference and was really attracted to, nothing more.
Cheers,
Sheridan
Dear Mr. C.,
one reoccuring thought I had that weekend I saw you was "why is he still single?". You're like the kind of guy I was beginning to think didn't exist in this world, but we all dream about...or at least I do anyway. You seemed humble, but happy and confident. You had leadership capability and a strong testimony. You knew when to be serious and when to have fun and be silly, a trait I've noticed that many people don't have. Do you know how rare you are? (I could be wrong, maybe your ego is big...in that case, there are way too many like you in this world haha.) I was only around you for 2 days, and with just a passing glance noticed great qualities in you. It boggles my mind that no other girls who are around you more often have realized this and tried to snatch you up yet. Not that I'm about to do it either...the 6 hour distance combined with the fact that we don't really know each other kind of prevents that from happening. How lame. So I guess it's like you said (and I'm pretty sure you said it politely, not expecting it to ever happen) if you're ever in the area, let me know, and we'll get together. Until then, you'll remain that random guy I saw once at a ysa conference and was really attracted to, nothing more.
Cheers,
Sheridan
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Day 1: A Letter to My Best Friend
It's hard for me to say I have one particular "best friend", but I've decided to write to my wonderful friend Sydney. =)
Dear Syd,
I love that the first memories I have of our friendship is 5th grade recess which always began with you splashing water in my face and running out of the bathroom and I would chase you and you would always always go up the slide first. And you would just sit there at the top until I started following you up those stairs. And the entire time we'd be giggling hysterically. I love that we did that every single day and it never got old.
I'm super-pumped that you're here this summer...I feel like this is the last summer to hang out and go crazy and have fun, since you'll be moving to Arizona with Steve and starting your big-girl life. In your words, barf. ;) But this summer has meant a lot so far. It started with a really difficult thing that we had to do...and I'll never forget hyperventilating/crying/shaking and holding hands with you as we walked forward and up that sidewalk and got a long-lost friend back. And we did that together. I always hoped you'd be a forever friend, and this summer helped me realize you will be. Even if we don't see each other ever or talk very often, we'll get together and still be the same as we always were. After all, we didn't go home to our moms everyday crying in 6th and 7th grade for nothing. =) We don't wanna lose each other. And we got through it all...being in separate classes, me getting "stolen", you being in Germany senior year, awful boys and broken hearts and feeling depressed, college and living far apart...and here we are. I'm pretty sure by now we're stuck with each other haha and we'll get through everything, somehow.
So for the rest of the summer, I'm hoping for many more days of laying on a blanket in the grass listening to a live band and just talking, nights of driving around singing to the radio (like singing With Arms Wide Open without moving your bottom jaw to sound like the lead guy haha), evenings spent bbq-ing like our awesome 4th of July celebration, eating pizza/eating fondue/just eating a lot with Haley, both of our birthday celebrations, and a trip to Hersheypark complete with getting crazy pictures taken. I love you!
Love Always,
Your Sherm =)
Dear Syd,
I love that the first memories I have of our friendship is 5th grade recess which always began with you splashing water in my face and running out of the bathroom and I would chase you and you would always always go up the slide first. And you would just sit there at the top until I started following you up those stairs. And the entire time we'd be giggling hysterically. I love that we did that every single day and it never got old.
I'm super-pumped that you're here this summer...I feel like this is the last summer to hang out and go crazy and have fun, since you'll be moving to Arizona with Steve and starting your big-girl life. In your words, barf. ;) But this summer has meant a lot so far. It started with a really difficult thing that we had to do...and I'll never forget hyperventilating/crying/shaking and holding hands with you as we walked forward and up that sidewalk and got a long-lost friend back. And we did that together. I always hoped you'd be a forever friend, and this summer helped me realize you will be. Even if we don't see each other ever or talk very often, we'll get together and still be the same as we always were. After all, we didn't go home to our moms everyday crying in 6th and 7th grade for nothing. =) We don't wanna lose each other. And we got through it all...being in separate classes, me getting "stolen", you being in Germany senior year, awful boys and broken hearts and feeling depressed, college and living far apart...and here we are. I'm pretty sure by now we're stuck with each other haha and we'll get through everything, somehow.
So for the rest of the summer, I'm hoping for many more days of laying on a blanket in the grass listening to a live band and just talking, nights of driving around singing to the radio (like singing With Arms Wide Open without moving your bottom jaw to sound like the lead guy haha), evenings spent bbq-ing like our awesome 4th of July celebration, eating pizza/eating fondue/just eating a lot with Haley, both of our birthday celebrations, and a trip to Hersheypark complete with getting crazy pictures taken. I love you!
Love Always,
Your Sherm =)
Monday, July 12, 2010
I love the sound of pouring rain
I just found this through a friend on facebook, and really really like the idea. Write a letter per day to the person on the list. I feel like it would be very therapeutic, and fun...annnndd I think I'm gonna try it, although I have the feeling I'll put a lot of time and energy into it and it will take me much much longer than 30 days. I also haven't decided whether or not I'm gonna post it on here or just do it privately...but I figured I would share, in case there's anyone else who thinks it's as fun as I do. I'll start tomorrow. =)
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
Monday, June 28, 2010
A dream is a wish your heart makes...or not
The most ridiculous dream of my entire life happened last nite, and I need to blog about it. Normally I don't even talk, let alone blog, about my dreams, because I always start talking about it and realize how retarded it sounds halfway through and wish that I had never started talking. But this one was so out there I decided it was worth sharing.
I was a fugitive from the law, but I was innocent. No idea what I had been accused of doing, but it was a big deal because everyone in the entire world of this dream knew about me. And it was a different world...it was like a video game world or something. You know how in old school video games, when you're in like the forest or something, it's all split up in different rooms? You walk into the forest and you're in one room, and then you can turn left right or straight to get into another one and it moves on to the next screen/room. But it's not like real life where the outdoors is one gigantic place, because back in the day they didn't have the technology to figure that out. So, pretty much in my dream, it was like that...a world of outdoor rooms. If that makes any sense whatsoever. Anywho, I was in this forest-y type place, and I had to wear different disguises and masks and stuff. People were all around me...some knew who I was, but were friends and wouldn't turn me in. But they didn't help me. We didn't even speak. Other people were srangers and didn't recognize me thanks to the disguise, and some were the people looking for me. Despite being around all these people, I was completely alone. I barely spoke to anyone. I was always on edge and trying to figure out what to do next. And constantly moving and hiding. So after lots of sneaking around and wandering and trying to find a place to go, I was in this small room and lots of the people trying to catch me were there too. I noticed them starting to eye me up and realized I needed to get the heck out of there because they recognized me, so I booked it. Then the world completely changed to a more real-life setting as I was running. I booked it into a massive crowd of people. Literally millions and millions of people. And I was in this urban setting and it was night time and all of a sudden from like a mile away, a stage lit up and Kiss was on stage and I was at a Kiss concert. And through the magic of my dream, I flew to the front of the crowd and was hardcore full-out moshing at this concert. (This could never happen...I've been to a thousand concerts in my day, and I stay away from the moshing, because little petite me would get KILLED. Not that the rest of this dream could happen either...) And next thing I knew, this guy had gotten seriously hurt in the moshpit and I was trying to figure out how to help him and then I woke up.
Interpret THAT one.
My interpretation: While I was at the beach, The Fugitive with Harrison Ford was on tv and I used to love that movie and haven't watched it in awhile. So I was thinking about that. I looked up concerts at Hershey the other day and Kiss is one of them...which when I saw that made me think of that episode of Glee where all the boys dressed up like them and did one of their songs. So that must have been in my head too. And lastly, I think the wandering and not sure where to go or what to do next represents how I feel about my life right now. Who knows where the feeling all alone in the world thing fits in though...maybe the fact that I'm single? Idk, I definitely don't feel alone, nor am I alone in real life. Or do I subconciously feel that way?
Weird. weird. weird. My dreams for the most part are pretty normal. Lots of times when I'm stressed out I'll have nightmares about whatever it is I'm worried about. When I break up with someone or I'm having trouble with a friendship or relationship, I have nightmares about that person every nite for months. And then occasionally I'll get one of these, and they're kind of fun haha.
I was a fugitive from the law, but I was innocent. No idea what I had been accused of doing, but it was a big deal because everyone in the entire world of this dream knew about me. And it was a different world...it was like a video game world or something. You know how in old school video games, when you're in like the forest or something, it's all split up in different rooms? You walk into the forest and you're in one room, and then you can turn left right or straight to get into another one and it moves on to the next screen/room. But it's not like real life where the outdoors is one gigantic place, because back in the day they didn't have the technology to figure that out. So, pretty much in my dream, it was like that...a world of outdoor rooms. If that makes any sense whatsoever. Anywho, I was in this forest-y type place, and I had to wear different disguises and masks and stuff. People were all around me...some knew who I was, but were friends and wouldn't turn me in. But they didn't help me. We didn't even speak. Other people were srangers and didn't recognize me thanks to the disguise, and some were the people looking for me. Despite being around all these people, I was completely alone. I barely spoke to anyone. I was always on edge and trying to figure out what to do next. And constantly moving and hiding. So after lots of sneaking around and wandering and trying to find a place to go, I was in this small room and lots of the people trying to catch me were there too. I noticed them starting to eye me up and realized I needed to get the heck out of there because they recognized me, so I booked it. Then the world completely changed to a more real-life setting as I was running. I booked it into a massive crowd of people. Literally millions and millions of people. And I was in this urban setting and it was night time and all of a sudden from like a mile away, a stage lit up and Kiss was on stage and I was at a Kiss concert. And through the magic of my dream, I flew to the front of the crowd and was hardcore full-out moshing at this concert. (This could never happen...I've been to a thousand concerts in my day, and I stay away from the moshing, because little petite me would get KILLED. Not that the rest of this dream could happen either...) And next thing I knew, this guy had gotten seriously hurt in the moshpit and I was trying to figure out how to help him and then I woke up.
Interpret THAT one.
My interpretation: While I was at the beach, The Fugitive with Harrison Ford was on tv and I used to love that movie and haven't watched it in awhile. So I was thinking about that. I looked up concerts at Hershey the other day and Kiss is one of them...which when I saw that made me think of that episode of Glee where all the boys dressed up like them and did one of their songs. So that must have been in my head too. And lastly, I think the wandering and not sure where to go or what to do next represents how I feel about my life right now. Who knows where the feeling all alone in the world thing fits in though...maybe the fact that I'm single? Idk, I definitely don't feel alone, nor am I alone in real life. Or do I subconciously feel that way?
Weird. weird. weird. My dreams for the most part are pretty normal. Lots of times when I'm stressed out I'll have nightmares about whatever it is I'm worried about. When I break up with someone or I'm having trouble with a friendship or relationship, I have nightmares about that person every nite for months. And then occasionally I'll get one of these, and they're kind of fun haha.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
On why education is important...
I'm at that stage in my life where most teenage girls make my head want to explode. Into 823716 little annoyed pieces.
Part 1 of my rant: Today I was laying on the beach, and these girls walked up to the lifeguard chair nearby me, and said to Mr. Cute Lifeguard, "so, umm, hi. I don't know if this is like, against your job description, or whatever, but like, we were wondering if we could like get our picture taken with you, because we're on senior week, and our school like gives us this list of stuff we like have to do and show proof that we did it to give back, and this is one."
Cue me giving an inward eyeroll and as I keep listening my head starts doing that thing that Scrat does in Ice Age...you know, where he starts twitching and one eye kinda droops shut while the other one's bulging out.
The lifeguard gave some excuse as to why he couldn't do it and directed the girls to some other lifeguard really far down the beach haha. THEN the girls walked away, and when they were right next to me and (possibly) out of earshot of the lifeguard, they started giggling and talking loud enough for the whole beach to hear about how they really just did that as an excuse to talk to him.
*GASP* NO! Really???? You know, they totally had me convinced that after graduating and receiving diplomas, their school forces them to go on senior week at Bethany Beach, Delaware with a scavenger hunt list of things they have to do and then give back to the school for some kind of grade.
UGH. Was I ever even remotely close to being that dumb/immature/annoying when I was 17/18? Ha, don't answer that.
Part 2: Lately I've noticed that a large majority of guys my age, if they are dating anyone right now, are dating 17 or 18-year-old girls. Or maybe 16, you know, that's cool too. NOT. Hello?? What is going on? It's not like every single one of these guys are the creepy kind that prey on young girls because they can't get someone their own age, or because stupid and naive is the only type they can convince to give them the one thing they're after. I do not understand. Not one part of it. Ok, maybe not all girls that age are immature and stupid. I'll give them that. But anywho, I've come to the conclusion that I want an older man. No, not like Hugh Heffner. Like someone mature that doesn't find annoying 17-year-olds fresh from high school attractive. Someone who has a heart and thinks with his head and not his *ahem*. And therefore has plans for himself that go past the present and which "that" he's tapping tonite...like school, a job, a career, a future. Give me that guy.
Part 1 of my rant: Today I was laying on the beach, and these girls walked up to the lifeguard chair nearby me, and said to Mr. Cute Lifeguard, "so, umm, hi. I don't know if this is like, against your job description, or whatever, but like, we were wondering if we could like get our picture taken with you, because we're on senior week, and our school like gives us this list of stuff we like have to do and show proof that we did it to give back, and this is one."
Cue me giving an inward eyeroll and as I keep listening my head starts doing that thing that Scrat does in Ice Age...you know, where he starts twitching and one eye kinda droops shut while the other one's bulging out.
The lifeguard gave some excuse as to why he couldn't do it and directed the girls to some other lifeguard really far down the beach haha. THEN the girls walked away, and when they were right next to me and (possibly) out of earshot of the lifeguard, they started giggling and talking loud enough for the whole beach to hear about how they really just did that as an excuse to talk to him.
*GASP* NO! Really???? You know, they totally had me convinced that after graduating and receiving diplomas, their school forces them to go on senior week at Bethany Beach, Delaware with a scavenger hunt list of things they have to do and then give back to the school for some kind of grade.
UGH. Was I ever even remotely close to being that dumb/immature/annoying when I was 17/18? Ha, don't answer that.
Part 2: Lately I've noticed that a large majority of guys my age, if they are dating anyone right now, are dating 17 or 18-year-old girls. Or maybe 16, you know, that's cool too. NOT. Hello?? What is going on? It's not like every single one of these guys are the creepy kind that prey on young girls because they can't get someone their own age, or because stupid and naive is the only type they can convince to give them the one thing they're after. I do not understand. Not one part of it. Ok, maybe not all girls that age are immature and stupid. I'll give them that. But anywho, I've come to the conclusion that I want an older man. No, not like Hugh Heffner. Like someone mature that doesn't find annoying 17-year-olds fresh from high school attractive. Someone who has a heart and thinks with his head and not his *ahem*. And therefore has plans for himself that go past the present and which "that" he's tapping tonite...like school, a job, a career, a future. Give me that guy.
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