A disclaimer before I start: some of my religious beliefs may come up depending on the topic I'm discussing in these letters. To those reading who are not of the same faith, please don't be offended. I'm not trying to throw stuff at you or be preachy. It's a part of me, and of my life, so things will unavoidably come up from time to time. I just want you to see from my perspective.
Day 4: A sibling/close relative
Dear Nameless,
You are my constant/lifetime reminder of how vital it is to choose good friends, and how much it can effect your entire life if you do/don't. But I hate that. I'd rather just have a healthy and happy you in my life, instead of a 'what not to do'. I was really little, but I remember you...the person you were before your body and mind got caught in a snare that you still haven't been able to find the strength or will to escape from. I remember that you were really loving. And you loved little kids, especially me. You were shy, but lots of people took interest in you and cared about you.
You were so young, just a kid, when it all started. Can you even remember what it's like to be free? You've been trapped for the majority of your life. It rules you. My heart breaks when I think about this awful struggle, this battle you're losing, and the rut we all feel like we'll never get out of. We still love you, ya know. I keep hope alive that one day your brain will be clear and you, the you that's still deep down there, somewhere, will be in control of your thoughts, and will have the strength and motivation to say, "this ends today". I know the statistics, I've taken the classes...it's a life-long fight. A difficult multi-step process out, one easy slide back in. That's what we should expect. I know all that, and yet I hope.
I know you're depressed. I know you're bombarded with feelings of worthlessness. But don't you ever give up either. Nothing is ever hopeless. Look forward to the future; you have a purpose. One day you will be set free, leaving this all behind you, never to have this debilitating ailment stop you or hold you back or sadden you ever again. You will be you, your mind will be clear and all your own, and you will be able to feel, finally, the love many of us have for you. Hold on. God loves you and he knows your struggles. It doesn't matter what you've done or how many times you've screwed up. It doesn't matter if you're in a bad place and it's your own stupid fault you got there. He's on your side. Life isn't easy. You might not believe me now, but one day you'll understand. Things will be ok in the end.
Love,
Sheridan
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