Resolutions?

I'm so terrible at making New Year's resolutions. I think the last time I made some was in like 9th grade and it was stupid things like "keep room clean" and "floss" and "don't procrastinate" (HA). It's even more difficult to think of any this year when my main goal lately has been just to pull myself out of bed everyday and survive. And to surround myself with friends, family, and good people whenever possible. Maybe that's a start?

#1. Hang out with the people I love as much as possible, and keep in better contact with the ones that are far away and I can't be with.

What else?

#2. Listen. Pay attention to other's needs and be there for them.

#3. Let other people be there for me. Don't withdraw or suffer silently. That's why we have people in our lives. Just don't let the hurting and complaining take over everything else.

#4. Learn to forgive myself for screwing up, because I do, 90% of the time.

#5. Ok, last one, and I'm already pretty awesome at this. Find joy in small, simple things. For example, today I could say...I have the most comfy bed in the world and I got to sleep in today, and the snow is pretty and better yet it won't stop new year's festivities. =)


Good list? We'll see what happens.

Ho-kay so...3 hours after my first post, here's another one, haha. I just wanted to take the time to express my love for the show Animaniacs at this point in my life. =) It was one of my faves as a kid, and my mom got me the entire set on dvd for Christmas (thanks Mom!). And it's about all I've been watching this week because it's one of the only shows/movies that doesn't make me want to barf, cry, yell, or throw a shoe at the tv. It just gives me that good nostalgic feeling and makes me laugh at the stupidness and silliness of it all. So thank you, Steven Spielberg. You're pretty cool.

I was never one to just be happy knowing where I'm going and that I alone will be ok. It's a shallow, pointless kind of happy without the ones I love being on the same page as me too. So when they're not, that's when I feel the worst pain and sadness in my life. That's what I'm feeling now.

I met someone the end of this summer who changed my life. Different than me, but at the same time so similar it freaked us out sometimes. Someone so special, such a blessing. A best friend. It was as if our past experiences and lives had prepared us to appreciate our relationship, and to love and cherish eachother...we could feel it. A relationship to last forever. We both wanted that, it was a common topic of conversation.

The sense of love, security, and peace that I felt in the past few months made it some of the happiest of my life. I felt soooo blessed. And then all too soon, it was gone. He ended the relationship, left me for dead, for reasons so despicable and grossly wrong, I won't even discuss it to save his reputation, and my already bleeding heart.

It's shocking how low you feel when you cannot go down the same path as someone you really love, especially after you've been walking down the same road hand in hand, looking towards the same goal. You just have to stand there and watch them walk away. It's even worse when you can see from where you're standing that the path they're going down is full of darkness, hurt, and despair. And the scariest part of all is when you can't even see them anymore.

And I realize then that I can't just stand there. I can't just wait in hopes that said person will come back. I need to keep walking down my path. But even though my path is filled with love and light and smiling faces and people cheering me on...I'm still hurting. A part of me will always be with that person, no matter what they said or did.


So for now, all I can do is keep going down that path I've always been on. But at this point, I pray and ask for the assistance of loved ones...because for a little while I may need to be carried.

"For I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." D&C 84:88